This was the moment that changed me forever.

I was sitting in the doctor’s office with my husband, reviewing the TFMR (termination for medical reasons) protocols. The doctor was an exceptionally warm and kind woman who explained the after care of my TFMR. This had been a grueling month for my little family and me. We had been trying to give our son a sibling for 3 years without luck. The second pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. Now, a year and a half later with pregnancy number 3, we’re sitting in the specialist’s office preparing for the most devastating decision we’ve ever had to make – TFMR. Sadly, we learned from the NIPT and CVS (amino) results that our little rainbow baby had a chromosomal abnormality that would not allow him to be compatible with life. My heart shattered with this news. I was sinking deeper and deeper into a depressive hole each day. I was hoping to wake up from this nightmare, but it was our reality, unfortunately.

The doctor proceeded through the after care instructions and shared her perspective on physical rehab after a TFMR. Mind you, I’m a pelvic floor specialist of 6+ years and am well versed in the female body, especially during physiological transitions like pregnancy and postpartum.

“Just keep up with your kegels and do some short walks after the procedure. It’s important to rest as much as you want to,” she explains eloquently. “You can return to your normal workouts and activity 2-3 weeks after your procedure. You’ll want to keep an eye on your bleeding, cramping or any stinging sensations when urinating.”

I blinked in disbelief. What? Just do kegels and walking…? Then I can resume normal workouts 2-3 weeks later? This couldn’t be right. Even though I was only 15 weeks pregnant, I knew there had to be a better recommendation out there. There are many benefits to kegels and short walks, but there was no way that I would be able to resume my Barry’s Bootcamp, high intensity training, heavy lifting and long endurance swim days with those suggestions.

This moment made me realize how little information was accessible regarding pelvic floor care after a TFMR or pregnancy loss. Navigating a TFMR or pregnancy loss is one of the most strenuous, heart wrenching and complex decisions ever, but to compound this tragedy with a lack of rehabilitative referrals made me furious.

This was when I decided to be the change I wanted to see for women. The Embrace Journey was born out of compassion, frustration and empathy to educate women about pelvic floor care after a TFMR/pregnancy loss. There’s so much more to pelvic floor care after a TFMR/pregnancy loss than most of us realize. We’ve endured the impossible, we’ve harbored heavy emotions, we’ve carried guilt, grief, anxiety and stress during those long waiting periods. We’ve felt our heavy hearts when we long for our babies. My biggest question is – how could we NOT be physically affected after experiencing ALL of this stress? How could the pelvic floor NOT tense up? How could the pelvic floor NOT be affected by an invasive procedure or forced labor? How could the pelvic floor not be affected by abortion medications? How could the pelvic floor NOT alter when we’re suddenly no longer pregnant? How could the pelvic floor NOT be affected by the drastic shift in hormones?

In all seriousness, how can we not be affected by all of this? It seems unrealistic and impossible for the body to “bounce back” or “return to normal” after a few weeks. 

The Embrace Journey is a sanctuary for women during this vulnerable chapter. It restores safety and rebuilds trust in the body before stepping into any type of training routine. This gentle and mindful approach to pelvic floor care after a TFMR heavily considers how the body somatically responds to grief, stress and various heavy emotions after a TFMR. This is a postpartum experience – even though we may not feel like we are postpartum, we are. We deserve quality care for our minds and bodies after enduring the impossible. There is no cultural narrative or sanctuary for TFMR moms. Our postpartum phase is invisible. We don’t have a space to retreat to and care for our “fourth trimester” until now. May the Embrace Journey help you heal from the inside out and honor your body during this difficult time. I’m sending you my endless love during this challenging time in life.